Guy Kawasaki is the devil

Before I convince you that Guy Kawasaki is the devil, let’s look at his secret identity as described in his “official” bio.

Guy Kawasaki is a managing director of Garage Technology Ventures, an early-stage venture capital firm and a columnist for Entrepreneur Magazine. Previously, he was an Apple Fellow at Apple Computer, Inc. Guy is the author of nine books including Reality Check, The Art of the Start, Rules for Revolutionaries, How to Drive Your Competition Crazy, Selling the Dream, and The Macintosh Way. He has a BA from Stanford University and an MBA from UCLA as well as an honorary doctorate from Babson College.

Impressive.

The man could probably get a job anywhere.  And yet his chosen occupation is Twitter Tormentor as he pays a staff of people to blanket us with tweets like:

Guy Kawasaki GuyKawasaki

The wild and rampant sex of flowers http://u.nu/8c578

How to sell socks http://idek.net/1Qlh

How can sugar explode? http://idek.net/1Rav

How to make a shrimp from a bendy straw http://idek.net/1OuI

How to reprogram your brain in 5 days http://idek.net/1OVl

Booty-popping frogs. Eat your heart out Beyonce http://u.nu/6k28b

Guy’s content is like a never-ending game of Trivial Pursuit and he somehow lured 253,758 people into his private world of tweet hell.  Why Guy, why?

The truth!  Do you have a plant sex fetish?

Why is it so important to teach us how to sell socks?

Shouldn’t you be doing something more important than bending straws into crustaceans?

While this constant barking on my Twitter stream is somewhere between annoying and obsessive, I can’t look away.  I’m under his spell.  Is he REALLY re-programming our brains? Is it that impish, Bieber-like smile? Could it be the frog booty?  I don’t know, but damn you Guy Kawasaki!!  Damn you for being the most eclectic and confounding personality on the tweet stream!

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  • I recommend self control Mark. I stopped following his nonsense a long time ago. But when I really need a fix, I venture over to holykaw.alltop on my own.

  • Mark, I did this thing with Guy: I didn’t follow him. I’m not being snarky, promise.

    I am lazy and don’t want to have to read that barrage of crazy “can’t look away from” tweets in my feed. I figure if there’s a tweet worth reading, clicking.. it’ll get retweeted anyway and I’ll see it eventually. Anyway, worked for me. 😉

  • I have never followed Guy Kawasaki and probably never will. Just like Davina said – If/when he ever says anything that’s actually useful, it usually shows up in my tweet stream from someone else. Do we need to start you on a 12-step program?! 😉

  • This cracks me up!! I actually stopped following him when I learned it’s not him, but I still read his books!

  • Too funny, Mark! We’re completely on the same page. Your post reminded me of the one I wrote last year about Guy Kawasaki and his “Milli Vanilli Ghost Tweeting.” Thought you might like it. (It was my most commented post, but I lost all of the comments while transferring it to my new blog.)

    http://bit.ly/9wEaq2

    And it doesn’t surprise me that Kawasaki’s Twitter stream includes nonsense links. I’m so happy to see that people still reject ghost tweeting.

  • Mark

    Thanks for being good sports and participating in the fun! And thanks for the great link, Michelle!

  • Mark,

    I stopped following most of the luminaries on Twitter because I was already hearing their psychobabble retweeted by many of their loving herd.

    Many of us unworthy mortals stay connected to them in the hopes of being “discovered” by another one of their followers to build our audience. (There I admit it)

    I’ve heard Guy Kawasaki speak and he’s brilliant but he has clearly gone down a notch in “authenticity.” But at his level, what choice does he have? Everyone wants a piece of him, so even with the great leveling technologies, we have to compromise.

    Truth be told, Kawasaki was a phenomenon before social media. Your previous comments on “social media gurus” reminds me of the dot-com era. Many “hotshots”: and media darlings from the late 90s are nowhere to be found.

    I am willing to bet that a lot of these guys will be forgotten in a matter of years as the herd bores with their rehashing of common sense and finds other “shiny new object people” to follow.

    Thanks for this post and the opportunity to respond.

    Peace

  • Kathy Babb

    I was in the audience when Guy moderated a panel on “Twitter Indispensable Tools Seminar” at SXSWi with luminaries like Laura Fitton and Robert Scoble. Before the session began, someone asked Guy how he tweeted so often when he was obviously traveling and speaking all over the country. Moment of awkward silence. Then Guy replied that he use lots of writers, plus he schedules tweets to repeat 4x daily. Said this was common knowledge.

    But one of the funniest moments came when someone asked why this panel wasn’t taking questions via the twitter feed! Oops.

  • Seriously? You don’t find twisty straw art fascinating? The exploding sugar article was most helpful in my dastardly plan to scare my daughters out of their chocolate addictions ~ and sock selling will likely fund their University years.

    I will admit though ~ I found the booty-popping frogs a little suspect, though maintain that Justin Timberlake STILL does the best version of ‘Single Ladies’ I’ve ever seen.

    So, Guy Kawasaki is the devil? That’s disappointing. I had my money elsewhere – seems I’ve lost a bet. The money’s still mine though, as long as I don’t Tweet this blog post out loud.

  • Mark

    @Joe Agree completely and I also admire Guy. Secretly of course.

    @Kathy I have not heard him speak yet but look forward to the opportunity. Hopefully he will not hit me.

    @Sally — You may not have lost your bet yet. The devil’s minions are at work all over the social web! : )

    Thanks to all for taking the time to comment. You are such great folks!

  • Michael

    I have to say that Twitter doesn’t really differentiate or discriminate. It just ‘is’ and between following and being followed, that’s the crossroad one encounters and which one follows (all pun indeed) Of course it comes a point in time when you realise you’re much ‘stronger’ and free to explore the world (and trust me, there is a world out there) I likened it to being spoon fed a flowing stream of information. But at the end of the day, enough is enough. Or the standard argument which is always dished out for any form of media. You can choose to look away.

  • Like many here, I stopped following Guy a long time ago as my twitter page seemed overwhelmed by ‘his’ tweets, most of which had no value.

    Can’t argue with the number of his followers, so maybe his strategy is working for him. But it did nothing for me.

    David Harkleroad
    http://www.haygroup.com
    http://davidharkleroad.wordpress.com/

  • Ike

    I would have missed this post if Guy hadn’t Tweeted it.

  • Hey Mark,

    {grow} up and stop {grow}ling. I plan to {grow} old viewing Guy’s tweets because they {grow} on me, and his tweets and Alltop help filter stuff for me and I am busy. And why do you use curly braces in your company name, are you a software engineer or are you a marketer? :-p

  • I never really got into that whole plant fetish thing but I think I found something to satisfy my bendy straw one. If you don’t see me around for a while, you’ll know where to catch me.

  • I follow him because he/they are masters at writing intriguing headlines in 140 characters or less. I learn from them.

    I don’t mind his volume of tweets, because I understand how he is using Twitter to drive traffic to AllTop. Nothing wrong with that.

    Nick

  • Mark

    Yes, it’s true. Guy Kawasaki, or his representatives, tweeted out this post: http://twitter.com/GuyKawasaki/status/15437845236

    Dammit, the man is working overtime to lure me into his kingdom. Now he is plying me with tweets. The man is irresistible I tell you.

  • Dear Guy,

    Okay, Follow you? Done. Tell my friends about you? Done. Name my first child after you? Done. (We spell it A-m-a-n-d-a though.)

    Thank you so much for stepping up and ensuring I win my bet. I just KNEW you weren’t the devil.

    Much love … Sally.

  • Folks,

    This is really me. The one posted at 4:11 pm is by some orifice using my name.

    Just for clarification: anytime you get an @ or D from @guykawasaki, it is really me. My ghosts only tweet out HolyKaw stories–and many of those I tell them which stories to Holy Kaw.

    Ghost NEVER respond as me.

    Guy

  • This is a reasonably accurate description of how I post:

    http://www.openforum.com/idea-hub/topics/the-world/article/how-i-tweet-guy-kawasaki

    A few details have changed, but this is the gist of it.

    Guy

  • Mark

    Readers of the comment section may be a little confused since I have now deleted a bunch of comments. Apparently somebody had hijacked Guy’s persona and tried to create havoc with a good-natured blog post.

    The social web is truly a reflection of humanity as a whole and there are lots of asses in humanity too. Still, the good outweighs the bad overall I think.

  • Carrie Bond

    This is the most fun I could have on a long drive through rural South Texas with two small girls yelling “Mommmy” over the Cinderella dvd. Y’all are a hoot. 🙂

  • I liked Guy Kawasaki before Twitter existed.

    I like him even more now that I’ve had a chance to get to know him a little more through social media.

    One of my favorite posts was his video on his 10-20-30 rule for presentations. Good stuff.

  • Elizabeth Sosnow

    Now, I thought that the “W” meant your middle name was something like “William.” After reading (and chuckling out loud about) this post, I’ve decided your middle name must be “link bait.” Excellent.

  • Yes, I followed Guy’s link. Yes, Guy tweets for himself (just like he thinks for himself!) And yeah, he gets retweeted a lot…
    And yes, I was confused – thanks for a) the clarification and b) the awesomely funny post. 🙂

  • He tweets great stuff:

    Short and sweet – cutting news stuff – inspiration stuff – real world stuff – innovation stuff – tech news stuff, etc. etc…. and.. amidst it all..

    .. it’s about keep it smart, keep it light, and keep it real folks!

    The world is waay stressed and he’s doing his part to help with the all too common “bozosity factor” that stress, competition, and work creates (even if inevitable).

    It’s awesome, and I like the reminders too!!

  • I follow him because I think he’s hot.

  • Ed

    I found this blog post because the link was tweeted out by Guy Kawasaki. Guess what Mark. You just became one of his Minions.

  • Guy scores: hot headlines!
    Mark scores: hot post goes viral
    I score 5 minutes of fun, thx!

  • Mylene

    I echo N’jaila. That he’s the devil is a bonus.

  • DomainDiva

    I found this via Guys’ tweet. J’adore Guy Kawasaki. 🙂

  • Mark

    Thanks for commenting today. I appreciate you spending some time with my blog today!

  • @Ike – hilarious. I love a smart ass. Way to get the humor.

    Like you, Mark, I cultivate my twitterers over time. I block spammers and connect with real people with real conversations. I don’t follow Guy because those I follow on Twitter retweet only the best tweets.

  • Mike,

    You should just use http://tweetmeme.alltop.com/

    Guy

  • florciampoli

    Hi everybody:

    I live in Panama Central America and i have a very bad english so … SORRY for that.
    I just want to say that someday i recived a mail with the subject: “guy kawasaki is following you on twitter” and since he had many followers I started following him. I was new on twitter, i have no idea who the hell he was but since that day i have to say i have learned A LOT from his twitts. The first thing: i learned to discard what doesnt get my attention, i learned that you dont have to post about specific topics because since i love advertising, green culture and music twitter is a great tool to spread cultural facts about my little country too.

    Guy mention the tool he uses to repeat the twitts some twitts ago. I never use it since my twitts are very simple but it was nice to know he was being honest about this crazy twitts and retwitts.

    One day i was getting worried about his twitting speed and i post him a reply begging him to slow down because Central America’s “broadbrand” was disappointing… He answered back and i pretty sure he was the man behind the 140 letters message.

    Mark: I understand what bothers you but i think it’s easier is you just unfollow him. Theres a GREAT site called Brizzly where you can MUTE the loud twitters as long as you want without unfollow. I recommend it.

    Chau chicos. Again… sorry for the bad english.

    Peace!

  • You had me at Guy.

  • @GregorianPants

    Look what Guy has done, getting us all in a tizzy. Devilish I tell ya. Can’t wait to see what Guy (or his brood – who cares) will tweet next. Enjoy the content people, that’s what it’s all about

  • Mark

    I want to be clear that this post was meant to be humorous. I respect and like Guy and have even bought his books : )

    I would never seriously call somebody a “devil.” Humor can be difficult, especially across cultures or if you’re new to the blog. Although I normally write about social media and marketing, most Fridays I try to post something light-hearted.

    In any event I appreciate that Guy supported this in a good-natured way and that most people seemed to have enjoyed a blog post that was meant to be entertaining.

  • florciampoli

    @mark: on your comment (“Humor can be difficult, especially across cultures or if you’re new to the blog”) I got the mood of the post and in case i havent, the picniked photo is pretty obvious about the tone. the thing is that after i started to read the comments i discovered anger in some words and i tought that is very sad to feel angry about something or someone who can be easily erased from your life.
    I never tought about YOU as a hater but some of the post express bitterness.

    And we do call some people “devil” in the same humorous way you call Guy in this post. Is just a funny adjective here too.

    Hahah… EL DIABLO!

  • Has Guy hurt or helped his “true” brand (tech startup wizard) with his tweeting? Or has he created another more powerful one? Do we really understand his objectives behind this latest tweeting project? Did he meet them?

  • Mark

    @Flor — Thanks for the clarification. I have received several offline comments, as well as online, that criticized the article and didn’t understand my humor. Oh well. As I said, humor is difficult!

    I appreciate your support and also want to thank you for being my newest Twitter follower! Thank you!

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  • That is SUCH a weird co-incidence, especially as you wrote this in June. I have only just this afternoon finally decided to stop following Guy Kawasaki after becoming unbearably bored with the kind of tweets you talk about in your post. I just couldn’t take the inanity of it any longer. Waiting, waiting, waiting for some pearl of wisdom that would shine a light on the reasons for his success. And then…a tweet about how to make carrot cake without using carrots. Sigh.

  • Maybe this is some grand Guy plan. Or Guy, after all his success, is certifiably nuts. Or bored. Or has run out of creativity. Or has regressed to the age of 12. Your pick.

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