Google’s plan for world domination — REVEALED!

I’ve figured out Google’s grand plan for world domination. More or less.

See if this makes sense to you.  It sure did last night when I was sipping whiskey on my back porch.

Google’s business is built on collecting data about people and then selling those people highly targeted ads.  The more data they collect, the more ads they can sell.

That’s why they introduced Google +.  Facebook was getting too doggone much of the information collection market.  Even Twitter was honing in.  Every tweet was one little snippet that was out of reach of Google. So Plus was a bold grab at world info marketshare.

if you don’t think this is the name of the game, look at what happened this week with pharmaceutical companies.  Facebook reversed their decision that had allowed pharma companies to not have comments on their pages.  This provides potential costs, complications and legal ramifications for these folks that I won’t get into here, but you can read about it more thoroughly in this scintillating coverage from the Pharma Times.

Nobody seems to know why Facebook did this.  Except me of course.  It’s all clear.  Or a wild guess. You decide.  The way I see it, if Facebook pages don’t have comments, Facebook can’t collect information. If they can’t collect information, they can’t sell targeted ads. And they HATE that.

But I digress. In the whole big global pie of digital information, there is one gold mine that has yet to be tapped. In fact, it might be the motherlode of personal information and it lies tantalizingly out of reach of Google, of Facebook, of everyone.

Text messages.

The world sends billions of text messages every year. Or is it every day?  I can never be sure of these numbers. I usually make my facts up anyway. 57.8 percent of all statistics are made up. You can take that to the bank.

But I digress again.  Now, how in the world would Google ever get access to text messages? Hmmm … perhaps they should buy a mobile phone company like Motorola! Well, butter my buns and call me a biscuit. They just did that.

Android Shmandroid.  Google wants the text messages!

Now there is this sticky little issue of privacy to overcome.  To really get access to text messages, you would have to obtain people’s permission to actually give up their most intimate thoughts and dreams to the Internet.

Who would be stupid enough to do that?  Wait, wait … I know this one!  TEENAGERS.  Hell, they already spill their lives all over Facebook every day anyway.

What would it take for a high schooler to give up the nano-particle of privacy they have left and let Google listen to their text stream? How about a free smartphone, complete with all the latest Google Goodies?  How many teenagers would give up their text privacy for a new smartphone every year?  All of them. That is a scientific fact. I saw it on The View.

Let’s look at how the economics would play out. Let’s say the manufacturing cost of a smartphone is $25.  Do you think Google could sell the equivalent of $25 worth of new ads over the course of a year to reach a break-even?  You betcha. I’d buy stock in that.

So that is the plan.  While Mark Zuckerberg’s personal fortune is climbing by a billion dollars a year (or is it a day?) Google is going to data-mine text messages all day long and kick his Silicon Valley ass to the curb. That really is the plan. I read it on Twitter.  Or maybe it was Harvard Business Review. Oh well, same thing.

Does any of this make sense or do I have to cut out caffeine?

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  • Mark,
    This a very intuitive compilation of general trends in the industry.  I think you might be on to something here.  I couldn’t figure out the Motorola move.  Your theory, if true, could include advertising via text? 

  • Motorola is the #1 provider of set top boxes to US-based cable companies. Combine that and the thousands of patents they’re getting and your having the primary motivating factors for purchasing Motorola.

  • I love it when you sip whiskey.

  • There is also this Google Conspiracy video that explains some of their other plans to eventually bring us to 1984: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNofb-OlZyQ

  • That really was a productive glass of whisky. Social is certainly the future of search, and I would add that Google was getting ready to be left even further behind due to Facebook’s search partnership with Bing.

    I had not even thought about the text messages. Great point!

  • I agree with Eric — I think it is the thousands of patents that sweetened the deal. However, I hadn’t even thought about how text messaging *could* play a role in the future. Mostly, I just wanted to say that this post cracked me up! It was great to sit here on a Monday morning chuckling at my desk. 🙂 

  • You could make a case that ad driven Smartphones could be a great business plan for someone…but with the privacy ramifications being so huge, I don’t think the coveted “target market” already using smart phones with Twitter and Facebook apps would ever make switch.  I would not.  My information is mine 🙂  Great market insight though!  Google is always positioning itself to collect, then monetize data its what they do…Now with Location the race is on.

  • Mark Schaefer

    I’m not sure.  This would take some coherent thought. I’m not in that place. : )

  • Mark Schaefer

    Of course there are lots of benefits, the patents being an obvious one.  I was just providing another tongue in cheek view : ) Thanks for the comments!

  • Mark Schaefer

    Cool!  Thanks Drew!

  • Mark Schaefer

    It was a bit of a humorous take on things but the opportunity is a valid one! Thanks Adam.

  • Mark Schaefer

    Interesting times ahead, especially for a generation codnitioned to hand over their data.  Thanks for commenting Mark.

  • :). I think Google wants to be everything Facebook, Twitter, Tumbler etc., already are
    And also be
    what Facebook is NOT
    Facebook once said that it is NOT a phone company. That was enough probably enough for Google to act 🙂

    Or is Apple the real target? Search+Social+hardware. One ring to rule them all…

  • Great post! Dont cut out caffeine Mark or you’ll never come up with Classic Lines like “Hmmm … perhaps they should buy a mobile phone company like Motorola! Well, butter my buns and call me a biscuit. They just did that”

  • And when you say “butter my buns and call my a biscuit”. That is too funny:)

  • This is in my “hall of fame” best tongue-in-cheek fave posts. Brilliant!…and also, beneath the buttering of buns and made up stats and Twitter/HBR fun stuff, many grains of truth.  I’m putting this one on my best-dressed list!  Cheers!  Kaarina

  • Uh oh, you just exposed Google. Better hire a body guard 🙂

  • …or the whiskey!  🙂

  • If you look at all their activities, it gets down to acquiring share of consumer information. Except that driver-less car thing. Have no idea how to explain that one : ) 

  • Very true. Caffeine is generally the drug of choice : ) 

  • Aww shucks. Very kind of you to say! 

  • I have hired Arnold Schwazenneger. I heard heard was looking for work and the guy can still bring it.

  • Google already took over the world year ago.  Now they’re just running up the score.

  • Google already took over the world year ago.  Now they’re just running up the score.

  • Hi Mark,

    Ha! Love your take on this. Your thoughts are very timely… when I logged into my Adwords account this morning, I was greeted with a message that said I should enter my phone number in case my account information is ever lost or I forget may password.  Wha??!!!!  I totally laughed at that thinly veiled excuse to link my Gmail account ( and G+ and Google Analytics and Adwords and YouTube etc etc) to my mobile phone number. Oh yeah, and the link to skip that step is tiny and well hidden.

    Dr. Eeevil would be most impressed. LOL

  • Two hours of commuting time a day. When your car can drive itself, and you are stuck IN your car, what will you do? Go online. Search. Hang out on G+. Text. Two more hours spent revealing information about yourself through your behavior. With Google watching the entire time.

    To paraphrase you: Nobody seems to know why Google is doing this. Except for me of course. It’s all clear. 

    Cheers! 🙂

    — @wittlake 

  • Two hours of commuting time a day. When your car can drive itself, and you are stuck IN your car, what will you do? Go online. Search. Hang out on G+. Text. Two more hours spent revealing information about yourself through your behavior. With Google watching the entire time.

    To paraphrase you: Nobody seems to know why Google is doing this. Except for me of course. It’s all clear. 

    Cheers! 🙂

    — @wittlake 

  • Makes perfect sense to me. It’s been interesting to watch as we’re now getting a closer look at how Google has lined up their chess pieces. It’s clear they’re trying to play a much bigger game than Facebook or Twitter. 

    Love the graphic, BTW! 

  • Mark Schaefer

    Ha!  Too funny. Love that Darren.

  • Mark Schaefer

    I had the same message today and I had the same reaction!  What???

  • Mark Schaefer

    I wrote this tongue in cheek but I do honestly think there is a play here.  Thanks for the kind words Laura!

  • Mark Schaefer

    Oh, so clear to me now!!

  • I wouldn’t be surprised if government and police functions are already considering the importance of accessing that type of data (esp. in light of recent riots). I’m not suggesting this won’t run into free speech and rights to privacy issues but it will be interesting to see how this question of access to private text evolves. Thanks for posting.

  • Mark Schaefer

    Thanks for the insight!

  • I’m currently reading “In the Plex: How Google Thinks, Works, and Shapes Our Lives” by Steven Levy. Perhaps your post is closer to the truth than you think, Mark!

  • Patricia Mcinnis

    All the Big brothers are watching Our lives that includes our government! What’s new! They can listen to your conversation if they suspect doing something wrong! It could be just one word an your on there watch an listen list

  • Erica Allison

    Hilarious! And no, don’t cut out the caffeine; actually, just slip into the whiskey and enjoy it while you’re eating your biscuit.  You’re bound to come up with some more “facts” and “stats” if you do that.  LOVE it! 

  • Of course it is. A wild guess is as good as most analysis these days. Remember, you read it here first.

  • Thanks Patricia.

  • Never let the facts get in the way if a good story, I always say : )

  • Great post, do NOT cut on the caffeine dude! 

  • Billy

    How much coffee and sipping whiskey is that per day? 🙂 Funny post Mark.

  • Well just how much coffee and sipping whiskey is this a day? 🙂 funny indeed.

  • Make sense and stay on caffeine. As a matter of fact, I am going to drink way more coffee and energy drinks if I can think of this! Awesome, Mark. 

    PS totally unrelated question, just thought of it – are you working on another book by any chance? If not, you definitely should 🙂

  • I want what’s in your carafe….that ain’t coffee.  It’s uncommon sense…um…wow.  That’s a brain bomb, but now that Paul Revere warned the Google are comin’, what to do about it but roll over and get your kid a new ‘droid?

  • Yes, I am working on a new book. Not announced yet but coming out in March. It will turn heads.

  • There ya go. Sounds like a plan my man. Thanks for commenting James!

  • Mmills023

    Thing is…Google will not “own” the data…the cellular company will…those analytics will never make it back to Google…

  • Twitter = Harvard Business Review… Moreso than caffeine, that could just be media overload. Looking forward to speaking soon – as I am refining draconian-style with Triberr. You’ll be interested.

  • With all the above going on, it is too bad that money can’t buy happiness. But this is great for people that believe that whoever dies with the most toys wins.

  • Akira

    I want to drink sake with you!!

  • Scarily prescient methinks.

    And hilariously funny. Butter my buns and call me a biscuit! Can I borrow that sometime? It’s so much better than anything I can come up with.

    But then I can’t drink alcohol. Pity.

  • This was written tongu in cheek … Sort of. But google would not need to own anything. As long as they had the Analytics. Who knows? Thanks for the comment!

  • Thanks Saul.

  • You mean that is not what we’re supposed to be chasing? ; )

  • Let’s do it!

  • Yes you can borrow that line for the proper licensing fees of course. But I’m cheap. Of course you probably already knew that : )

  • You are spot on though about the data mining aspects. That’s one of the primary reasons they’ve had GOOG 411 and other services. They tested out their speech recognition software by offering a free service, and now that it’s optimized, they can mine your speech in Google Voice, hang outs, etc.

  • All very good points in here. Even some of Google’s other, non-search related fields (ie self-driving cars) will potentially provide them a way to “give away cars or car rides” in exchange for displaying Ads for the entire ride.  It’s only a matter of time before Google finds a way to provide everything “for free” to the consumers, by making Advertisers cover the costs of operations + whatever profit margin Google wants to make.

  • Mark,
    Your blogs just keep on getting better and better!

  • Mark,
    Your blogs just keep on getting better and better!

  • Mark,
    Your blogs just keep on getting better and better!

  • Mark,
    Your blogs just keep on getting better and better!

  • Thanks Lisa! Very kind of you to say.

  • Thanks for taking the time to comment Dan!

  • Spot on! A reminder that Google didn’t usher in unlimited email storage out of some altruistic urge,  they just  wanted access to as much of our information as possible. 

  • Spot on! A reminder that Google didn’t usher in unlimited email storage out of some altruistic urge,  they just  wanted access to as much of our information as possible. 

  • Mark Schaefer

    There you go!  Well said Tim!

  • Aaron

    What do you think Google Voice does?

  • JAY

    Very well written Mark. Am sharing this with all my friends 🙂

    ps: At least, now I know what to do to get those big ideas 🙂

  • Great article and insights 🙂

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  • Good combo.., thinking with whiskey and writing with caffeine.. It creates good results. Good, insightful article.., very well backed up by statistics too… But you just might be right.., and when these teenagers grow they will continue the habit and transfer it to their kids.

  • That will be interesting to see, won;t it? How can we even imagine what is down the road?

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  • I’m kind of ok with a bit of Google domination…anything to keep Facebook on their toes

  • Hello Mark etal, I’m back, and plan to see if this holds true for all “Add New Comment” areas on {grow}

    P.S. I’m enjoying my time with Google; domination not so much ;(

  • Amazing write-up! This could aid plenty of people find out more about this particular issue. Are you keen to integrate video clips coupled with these? It would absolutely help out. Your conclusion was spot on and thanks to you; I probably won’t have to describe everything to my pals. I can simply direct them here!

  • To effeciently get text message information, shouldn’t Google acquire a Telecommunications like at&t, Sprint, etc. company instead of a Hardware Manufacturing company?

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