humor
20 of the World’s Wittiest Twitter Bios
Jan 25th
I know you LOVE these funny Twitter bios. Yes, they’re real and they’re fabulous. Here we go!
@organising
Let me bitch at you every day until you sort your shit out.
@Newtoblogging
Maybe I should rethink this, when I spelled it Blooging at first.
@danecook
When I tweet, I tweet to kill.
@maurastl
Pour yourself a drink, put on some lipstick, and pull yourself together.
@SALJmum
Making the Snuggie look good since 2009.
@fiona_mca
Trying to elevate small talk to medium talk.
@ankurtz
Currently starring in my own reality show titled, A Modern Cinderella; One Girl’s Search for Love and Shoes.
@Maya_Abeille
Generally, the path of least resistance appeals. Also, I am superb at parallel parking.
@DudeGurlz
I’m Kail, I was given a girl’s name when I was a baby because my parents are idiots.
@webbrd
Former military guy & cop. Leprechauns freak me out.
@mdvaldosta
Where the hell am I, and how did I get here?
@bargold
Born at a very young age.
@andrealown
Good Samaritan, washed-up athlete, especially gifted napper.
@gabrielfoley
another papercut survivor
@phampants
Absolutely awkward, proud nerd & geek, decreaser of world suck
@carlosbenevides
Lover of pork, runner (’cause of all the pork)
@jasondill
99% of the time my brain is thinking blah, meh, why, huh, WTF, food and computers. The other 1% i’m usually asleep.
@grbinder (Greg)
Trying to change the name from Tweeting to Gregging
@marcmack
Marc is a man with a dream. A very simple dream, mostly involving nachos and beer, but a dream nonetheless.
@oldfox004
Winner of World’s Best Wife Award (Category: Nagging)
@pathfinderpat
I’m going to reveal the two secrets of my success: One) Don’t reveal everything.
- Transforming unconscious survival patterns into strategic (authentic) leadership by harmonizing your thinking (IQ), feelings (EQ), communication and actions.
- Life’s so Fun-tastic. Just Be Alive!!!
- Good morning. I behave decently to everyone without any expectation of rewards or punishment after I’m dead.
- Decoding the million wonderful and inspiring stories within the quirky world of accounting.
- I’m fabulous. I’m an incredible dresser, I’ve got buckets of money, I’m a hoot and a half and I got a killer rack.
… well, thanks for stopping by {grow} today. If you keep reading, I’ll keep “racking” up those funny bios!
Illustration: I just made that lion thing up because apparently I have too much time on my hands.
Previous funny Twitter bio editions:
20 of the world’s most clever Twitter bios
A Very Social Media Christmas (video)
Dec 15th
I found this video in 2010 and it remains one of my favorite videos of all-time on any subject. The fact that it combines creativity, humor, social media, and Christmas is a bonus!
If you love social media, this will get you in the holiday spirit and it is guaranteed to bring a smile to your face. ENJOY!
Is this the best commercial ever?
Dec 2nd
I found this commercial to be brilliant on every level. It tells a great story, the nuanced looks and expressions of the actresses are priceless, it’s memorable, and it’s HILARIOUS. This is a work of art and there is no doubt it had to be shared with the {grow} community!
What are your thoughts? What would you name as your all-time favorite commercial of this or any other year?
If you can’t view this commercial within the blog, please click here to view it.
20 of the world’s most clever Twitter bios
Sep 21st
Last year I started “collecting” great Twitter bios and kind of got hooked. When I decided to publish “The All-Time Best Twitter bios,” and “The 20 Funniest Twitter Bios,” readers of {grow} seemed to get hooked too! So here we are with the third edition. These are all real Twitter bios …
@MichaelACaruso
I’ve learned I don’t know anything. Have also learned that people will pay for what I know. Life is good.
@ProbablyBaking
Living one day at a time, with a fresh baked cookie. Okay. And with a coffee. And maybe some chocolate. But I promise to take my vitamins.
@janefcox
Insert pretentious crap about myself here.
@Mobium
Buddy, can you paradigm?
@Laura_the_Wise
Nerdfighter. Determined dreamer. Has ambitions to be crazy cat lady if marrying various celebrity crushes proves impossible.
@Anpehuis
(Note this is Finlandish. I don’t know what it says, but get a load of all those letters! I figure any bio with the word Oyj in it has got to be great.)
@_PenelopeNYC
Coffee-Drinker, eReader Addict, Mom, Blogger. I’m very busy and important
@BrandBySarah
90% of your problems can be solved by marketing. Solving the other 10% just requires good procrastination skills.
@hmcdani2
I’m really a giant cupcake. Afraid of roller coasters and dry ice
@AnonEmus216
I used to love my old twitter account, then everyone from work found me. This is my new account
@glynette
I have been called a PollyAnna, sugar-coated idealist. I like to think of myself as more optimistic than that
@TylerLClark
I’m not smart. I just wear glasses.
@billyblogs
I’m real and I hope some of my followers are too
@ThatGuySteve08
HOLY CRAP I’M GOING TO BE A DAD! Oh yea, I work in email marketing & I like craft beer too.
@jfloyd
I’m just a boy, standing in front of the world, asking you to follow me.
@iMadiD
do not judge me before u know me, but just to inform u, you won’t like me
@karenrclark
I’ve never been a millionaire but I just know I’d be darling at it
@stndotsidurself
A human. Being.
@Rhymetime24
Why talk when you can mock? Why hide your Face like I got Mace? Is it all an act or just a Fact. Maybe if you didn’t drool, you’d be cool. Ran out of room boom
@kamazonia
I’m a Basset Hound aficionado with a mouth like a Syphilitic sailor.
BONUS CONTENT!!
As I scoured the Twitterverse for the most clever bios, I also found some pretty bad ones, too! But they are also funny in their own strange way. I don’t want to embarass anyone so I’ve removed the handles, but I couldn’t resist some of these clunkers:
- Fascinated by transactional nature of counterknowledge & public discourse in socially mediated spaces which simulate (but don’t engender) counter-public spheres
- follow me
- I’m indifferent to most items on the planet. Some people call me a Social Media Guru. I don’t correct them.
- I have a dream to gain the freedom to help people Through new products, helping then grow through experiences and achieving their dreams and their freedom
- Job Opportunity Promoter, I follow back for FREE!!!
- hello my sexy armadillo. I’ll follow back esp if youre irish
Well, as a matter of fact, madam … I am. : )
Illustration: The Darth Vader thing … I made it up.
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-Mark SchaeferFollow Mark
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