I know you LOVE these funny Twitter bios.  Yes, they’re real and they’re fabulous. Here we go!

@organising
Let me bitch at you every day until you sort your shit out.

@Newtoblogging
Maybe I should rethink this, when I spelled it Blooging at first.

@danecook
When I tweet, I tweet to kill.

@maurastl
Pour yourself a drink, put on some lipstick, and pull yourself together.

@SALJmum
Making the Snuggie look good since 2009.

@fiona_mca
Trying to elevate small talk to medium talk.

@ankurtz
Currently starring in my own reality show titled, A Modern Cinderella; One Girl’s Search for Love and Shoes.

I found this video in 2010 and it remains one of my favorite videos of all-time on any subject. The fact that it combines creativity, humor, social media, and Christmas is a bonus!

If you love social media, this will get you in the holiday spirit and it is guaranteed to bring a smile to your face. ENJOY!

I found this commercial to be brilliant on every level. It tells a great story, the nuanced looks and expressions of the actresses are priceless, it’s memorable, and it’s HILARIOUS. This is a work of art and there is no doubt it had to be shared with the {grow} community!

What are your thoughts?  What would you name as your all-time favorite commercial of this or any other year?

If you can’t view this commercial within the blog, please click here to view it.

Last year I started “collecting” great Twitter bios and kind of got hooked.  When I decided to publish “The All-Time Best Twitter bios,” and “The 20 Funniest Twitter Bios,” readers of {grow} seemed to get hooked too!  So here we are with the third edition. These are all real Twitter bios …

@MichaelACaruso

I was stuck in traffic and had not moved for nearly an hour.
I was quite bored.
I had a thought.
This is a dangerous combination.

It seems the world has gone app crazy.  Afraid of being left behind, companies are creating apps for everything … even when maybe they shouldn’t.  Let’s have some fun with it.  I present to you the wackiest mobile applications that I could find:

Graduating from high school is oftentimes a major life milestone, but this hilarious infographic by Flowtown, entitled Social Media High School Class of 2011, takes that iconic landmark and hurls it into the bizarre, crowded and highly competitive realm of Web 2.0 networking platforms.

From Digg (the ex-best friend) to LinkedIn (the class president), this thoroughly amusing satire of web 2.0 platforms couldn’t be more spot-on. Well played Flowtown, well played.

A few months ago I introduced a blog post about the 20 all-time greatest Twitter bios I had come across.  I have had more requests to repeat this effort than any other blog post I have ever written (I’m heartened to see that I’m making such an impact!).

Could Twitter bios be the ultimate creative effort?  It’s not easy stating your case in 160 characters.  So here we go Twitter lovers — Round Deux of the funniest Twitter bios ever … and all of these are real (and fabulous)!

@badbanana
Sometimes I just want to give it all up and become a handsome billionaire.

@jeffnoelmidlife
Aggressively unfancy.

@ZacharyColbert
S P E C T A C U L A R V E R N A C U L A R

@bgibbs73
Currently working towards an MBA with an emphasis in fantasy football.

@killer_bunnie
Have own hair and like ugly things

@JAMCollective
Puttin’ the ‘elation’ in ‘Public Relations’

@iamaveronica
I always feel sad for seedless watermelons, because what if they wanted babies?

@TheBloggess
I have friends in spite of myself.

@matsbe
Probably the best meat eater in the world

@jpundyk
Nice guys finish lunch.

@HotAmishChick
Will show ankle for five minutes of wireless

@JeffCThorson
I recently gave up Warcraft so my productivity, and drinking, have increased dramatically.

@growden
there is a problem with this mattress

@howardgr
A man of mystery and power, whose power is exceeded only by his mystery.

@ohyesshecan
social strategy & implementation. will work for shoes.

@katefettie
You know the burnt-out college student in front of you in line at Target who was intermittently chuckling to herself? Nice to meet you, too.

@radmul
If I could sum up my life in one line I would die of embarrassment

@nancyfalls
I’m @JasonFalls’s wife. I am not on Twitter. Go do something useful.

@shariv67
I’m 25% mom 25% comedian 62% boobs 48% mathematician and 100% woman-monkey.

@robburnsbrain
I once sneezed a beenie weenie through my nose. I also made a horse faint in Costa Rica.

Well, there you go!  If you enjoyed this post, why not consider subscribing to {grow} so you can receive weekly insights on social media marketing, business … and even a little humor thrown in now and then!  Thanks for stopping by!

Note: This post was published in April, 2011 but became the target of controversy in July 2011 when I learned the person claiming to be the author was not the author. To get the full story, refer to this link: The Great Ghost Post Scandal.  It will also help explain some of the comments in the comment section.  At the urging of the blog community, I have amended this post to acknowledge the true author.

By William Harwood

Have you ever thought about how great writers of the past would be totally up a creek if they tried to publish today in their original style? Melville? Dostoyevsky? Joyce? They would starve. Imagine an editor in New York opening up an envelope and finding inside a story entitled Great Expectations from some guy named Chuck Dickens.

“To the recycling pile, please,” she would imperiously command after less than a paragraph, tossing the tome to the nearest intern. “This guy Chuckie could use online creative writing schools. I mean, who the heck names a protagonist ‘Pip’?”

But what about the greatest one of all? What if the Bard himself, William Shakespeare, suddenly manifested in the here and now as a wordsmith wanting work? Well, given the opportunities of the times, there’s a good chance he would wind up as a social marketer.

So how would he do it? How would Shakespeare give it to us? Well, in addition to lots of fine examples of iambic pentameter, as we like it: short and sweet. In fact, measure for measure, it might look something like this.

“All’s Sale That Ends Sale”

Dramatis Personae:

• IAGO, a boss
• Sir JOHN FALSTAFF, a salesman
• Prince HAMLET, an intern
• PUCK, a delivery fairy

ACT I SCENE I

Enter Iago in Falstaff’s cubicle where Sir John sits surfing dating sites.

IAGO: How now?! What’s this?! Thou seeketh the shanks of flaming youth while my wares remain unmoved?!

FALSTAFF: Oh, but I am forsworn! Please, Sir, I plead thy pardon. Perhaps one can desire too much of good thing.

IAGO: Hold thy tongue, thou warped rough-hewn maggot pie.

FALSTAFF: Yes, Sir.

IAGO: Thou doth not make love to thy employment and, when it’s thy turn to make the coffee, thou doth protest too much.

FALSTAFF: Sir, infirm of purpose, I know not how to market wares through this infernal social media.

IAGO: Then thou must learn, thou currish toad-spotted mammet! Or, if thou willst not, thou willst have no money in thy purse!

Exeunt

ACT I SCENE II

Falstaff stands by water cooler as Puck makes a delivery to the receptionist nearby.

FALSTAFF: [soliloquy] I am undone! My spotless reputation ruined. What know I of social marketing skills?

PUCK: [winking at the pretty receptionist and nodding toward Falstaff] Lord, what a fool that mortal be.

Enter Prince Hamlet, reading a hook.

HAMLET: Wow! This is it! Impactful messaging must be glance-aware by design!

FALSTAFF: Hamlet boy, thou saucy milk-livered dewberry, why for art thou speaking so strangely? And what art thou reading?

HAMLET: This stuff! Dude, like, it’s a total game changer.

FALSTAFF: How now?

HAMLET: Man, to market effectively through social media, it’s not just about keeping your words short and sweet and using lots and lots of headlines, but about the very design of the information on the screen!

FALSTAFF: [not understanding] Thou art a cur.

HAMLET: [not understanding what the word ‘cur' means] Huh? No, man, I’m just an intern. But, anyway, studies have shown that visitors to a web site will read information on a screen in the shape of a capital ‘F.’ That means that if you design your most important content in that physical shape, you’re message will be most effective.

FALSTAFF: ‘F’ as in Falstaff?

HAMLET: Yeah, that’s right. Eye-tracking studies in 232 subjects who viewed thousands of web pages determined that people’s reading habits are pretty consistent, regardless of the sites’ purpose or content. Again and again, the pattern of people’s attention as measured by where their eyes go resembles the shape of a capital ‘F.’

FALSTAFF: Clever knave.

HAMLET: So to ‘F’ or not to ‘F’, that is the question. The answer is, like, a no-brainer. Well, yeah!

FALSTAFF: [feeling old and obsolete] Oh, my bladder fills with gall. Were this water cooler filled with wine.

HAMLET: [ignoring Falstaff and thinking aloud] Man, so, like, the challenge is to figure out how we can present our social marketing information in that shape while keeping the power of story. [snaps fingers] Hey, I got it! We could present our products through a play, you know, personifying our merchandise in a tale full of twists and turns. Epic. Call it, like, I don’t know, All’s Sale That Ends Sale.

IAGO: [calling out] Hamlet! I harkened that! My boy, thy star waxes in this organization! Thou willst go far!

HAMLET: Thank you, Sir!

FALSTAFF: Wretch.

Exeunt all but Puck

PUCK: [to audience] And now our play is at end,

The time is over to pretend.

So back to work for all is well.

The time has come to raise your sells.

The End

William Harwood is a freelance writer in Nashville, Tennessee.