Posts tagged funny twitter bios
20 of the world’s most entertaining Twitter bios
Jan 18th
Two years ago I began collecting funny Twitter bios. Clearly, I have too much time on my hands. But I’m constantly amazed at the amount of creativity you can fit into 160 characters … and I think when you read these, you’ll agree! Here are some of my recent favorites:
@crazyadventures
Married to the luckiest man alive. Uh, I mean, *I’m* the lucky one {cough} We have eleventy-billion kids. I wife. I mom. I run. I write.
@SamberLea
I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I am joking.
@WillemTait
We are building an empire and I have better hair than Donald Trump. He doesn’t know us from a bar of soap, but will once we develop Tait Towers
@JandTonic
When I’m not seeking therapy for my Xenuphobia (extreme fear of Tom Cruise) I’m curating the world’s most amazing David Hasselhoff fan site.
@markralphs
Analogue at birth, digital by design.
@Pink_Pachyderm
Author, Self Help Satirist, Poet, Comedian, Playwright, Amateur Penis Model. I’m like an astronaut that’s missing my tronaut. Occasionally NSFW.
@gucky
I am a life form evolved to live off movies, comics, video games, junk food and snark. Sadly, I will never be a Ghostbuster when I grow up. I am very gucky.
@daplusk
I’m here to avoid friends on Facebook.
@colleenobrien
My hobbies are breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
@MickeyETC
Wearing the entrepreneur hat this week and starting a new business. great plan of attack but no product yet. a dream told me to find the product in a dream
@TomHanks
I’m that actor in some of the movies you liked and some you didn’t. Sometimes I’m in pretty good shape, other times I’m not. Hey, you gotta live, you know?
@TripGoing
Any combination of my first and last names you can think of, I’ve probably heard.
@AmyWestergren
I’m a Texan with lots of opinions and pretty hair.
@cubanalaf
My Indian Princess name is Too Many Stilettos. Love Pack football, food & fashion. I wish people had a brightness setting.
@SianAMurphy
A Caffeine based life-form
@jennathinks
I’m real and I hope some of my followers are too.
@suupergforce
A force to be reckoned with, I reckon
@zangaroo
In search of sleep, sanity, & The Shire
@donfperkins
Buoyant, waggish, efficacious, indefatigable, demiurgic, convivial marketing companion, self-made thousandaire
@SandyBoynton
Trying to Think of a Motto Since 1973. Cartoonist, children’s author, songwriter, kazooist, and … oh well, out of words now.
@nickvatrerott
If you’re reading this, then I’m already too late. Humanity has reached it’s final days. Please spend all that time tweeting.
If you loved these bios, you would probably also enjoy the previous editions of this series:
20 of the all-time funniest Twitter bios (part 2!)
20 of the all-time best Twitter bios
20 of the world’s most clever Twitter bios
Illustration: I just made that up.
20 of the World’s Wittiest Twitter Bios
Jan 25th
I know you LOVE these funny Twitter bios. Yes, they’re real and they’re fabulous. Here we go!
@organising
Let me bitch at you every day until you sort your shit out.
@Newtoblogging
Maybe I should rethink this, when I spelled it Blooging at first.
@danecook
When I tweet, I tweet to kill.
@maurastl
Pour yourself a drink, put on some lipstick, and pull yourself together.
@SALJmum
Making the Snuggie look good since 2009.
@fiona_mca
Trying to elevate small talk to medium talk.
@ankurtz
Currently starring in my own reality show titled, A Modern Cinderella; One Girl’s Search for Love and Shoes.
@Maya_Abeille
Generally, the path of least resistance appeals. Also, I am superb at parallel parking.
@DudeGurlz
I’m Kail, I was given a girl’s name when I was a baby because my parents are idiots.
@webbrd
Former military guy & cop. Leprechauns freak me out.
@mdvaldosta
Where the hell am I, and how did I get here?
@bargold
Born at a very young age.
@andrealown
Good Samaritan, washed-up athlete, especially gifted napper.
@gabrielfoley
another papercut survivor
@phampants
Absolutely awkward, proud nerd & geek, decreaser of world suck
@carlosbenevides
Lover of pork, runner (’cause of all the pork)
@jasondill
99% of the time my brain is thinking blah, meh, why, huh, WTF, food and computers. The other 1% i’m usually asleep.
@grbinder (Greg)
Trying to change the name from Tweeting to Gregging
@marcmack
Marc is a man with a dream. A very simple dream, mostly involving nachos and beer, but a dream nonetheless.
@oldfox004
Winner of World’s Best Wife Award (Category: Nagging)
@pathfinderpat
I’m going to reveal the two secrets of my success: One) Don’t reveal everything.
- Transforming unconscious survival patterns into strategic (authentic) leadership by harmonizing your thinking (IQ), feelings (EQ), communication and actions.
- Life’s so Fun-tastic. Just Be Alive!!!
- Good morning. I behave decently to everyone without any expectation of rewards or punishment after I’m dead.
- Decoding the million wonderful and inspiring stories within the quirky world of accounting.
- I’m fabulous. I’m an incredible dresser, I’ve got buckets of money, I’m a hoot and a half and I got a killer rack.
Take the Mystery Out of Twitter!
Previous funny Twitter bio editions:
20 of the world’s most clever Twitter bios
20 of the all-time funniest Twitter bios (part 2!)
20 of the world’s most clever Twitter bios
Sep 21st
Last year I started “collecting” great Twitter bios and kind of got hooked. When I decided to publish “The All-Time Best Twitter bios,” and “The 20 Funniest Twitter Bios,” readers of {grow} seemed to get hooked too! So here we are with the third edition. These are all real Twitter bios …
@MichaelACaruso
I’ve learned I don’t know anything. Have also learned that people will pay for what I know. Life is good.
@ProbablyBaking
Living one day at a time, with a fresh baked cookie. Okay. And with a coffee. And maybe some chocolate. But I promise to take my vitamins.
@janefcox
Insert pretentious crap about myself here.
@Mobium
Buddy, can you paradigm?
@Laura_the_Wise
Nerdfighter. Determined dreamer. Has ambitions to be crazy cat lady if marrying various celebrity crushes proves impossible.
@Anpehuis
(Note this is Finlandish. I don’t know what it says, but get a load of all those letters! I figure any bio with the word Oyj in it has got to be great.)
@_PenelopeNYC
Coffee-Drinker, eReader Addict, Mom, Blogger. I’m very busy and important
@BrandBySarah
90% of your problems can be solved by marketing. Solving the other 10% just requires good procrastination skills.
@hmcdani2
I’m really a giant cupcake. Afraid of roller coasters and dry ice
@AnonEmus216
I used to love my old twitter account, then everyone from work found me. This is my new account
@glynette
I have been called a PollyAnna, sugar-coated idealist. I like to think of myself as more optimistic than that
@TylerLClark
I’m not smart. I just wear glasses.
@billyblogs
I’m real and I hope some of my followers are too
@ThatGuySteve08
HOLY CRAP I’M GOING TO BE A DAD! Oh yea, I work in email marketing & I like craft beer too.
@jfloyd
I’m just a boy, standing in front of the world, asking you to follow me.
@iMadiD
do not judge me before u know me, but just to inform u, you won’t like me
@karenrclark
I’ve never been a millionaire but I just know I’d be darling at it
@stndotsidurself
A human. Being.
@Rhymetime24
Why talk when you can mock? Why hide your Face like I got Mace? Is it all an act or just a Fact. Maybe if you didn’t drool, you’d be cool. Ran out of room boom
@kamazonia
I’m a Basset Hound aficionado with a mouth like a Syphilitic sailor.
BONUS CONTENT!!
As I scoured the Twitterverse for the most clever bios, I also found some pretty bad ones, too! But they are also funny in their own strange way. I don’t want to embarass anyone so I’ve removed the handles, but I couldn’t resist some of these clunkers:
- Fascinated by transactional nature of counterknowledge & public discourse in socially mediated spaces which simulate (but don’t engender) counter-public spheres
- follow me
- I’m indifferent to most items on the planet. Some people call me a Social Media Guru. I don’t correct them.
- I have a dream to gain the freedom to help people Through new products, helping then grow through experiences and achieving their dreams and their freedom
- Job Opportunity Promoter, I follow back for FREE!!!
- hello my sexy armadillo. I’ll follow back esp if youre irish
Well, as a matter of fact, madam … I am. : )
Take the Mystery Out of Twitter!
, the best-selling Twitter book in the world! Learn the three elements behind every Twitter success, 22 ways to build a relevant audience, strategies to create personal and business benefits, and hundreds of amazing tips and time-savers.20 of the world’s wittiest Twitter bios
20 of the all-time funniest Twitter bios (part 2!)
The 20 all-time funniest Twitter bios (part 2!)
Apr 21st
A few months ago I introduced a blog post about the 20 all-time greatest Twitter bios I had come across. I have had more requests to repeat this effort than any other blog post I have ever written (I’m heartened to see that I’m making such an impact!).
Could Twitter bios be the ultimate creative effort? It’s not easy stating your case in 160 characters. So here we go Twitter lovers — Round Deux of the funniest Twitter bios ever … and all of these are real (and fabulous)!
@badbanana
Sometimes I just want to give it all up and become a handsome billionaire.
@jeffnoelmidlife
Aggressively unfancy.
@ZacharyColbert
S P E C T A C U L A R V E R N A C U L A R
@bgibbs73
Currently working towards an MBA with an emphasis in fantasy football.
@killer_bunnie
Have own hair and like ugly things
@JAMCollective
Puttin’ the ‘elation’ in ‘Public Relations’
@iamaveronica
I always feel sad for seedless watermelons, because what if they wanted babies?
@TheBloggess
I have friends in spite of myself.
@matsbe
Probably the best meat eater in the world
@jpundyk
Nice guys finish lunch.
@HotAmishChick
Will show ankle for five minutes of wireless
@JeffCThorson
I recently gave up Warcraft so my productivity, and drinking, have increased dramatically.
@growden
there is a problem with this mattress
@howardgr
A man of mystery and power, whose power is exceeded only by his mystery.
@ohyesshecan
social strategy & implementation. will work for shoes.
@katefettie
You know the burnt-out college student in front of you in line at Target who was intermittently chuckling to herself? Nice to meet you, too.
@radmul
If I could sum up my life in one line I would die of embarrassment
@nancyfalls
I’m @JasonFalls’s wife. I am not on Twitter. Go do something useful.
@shariv67
I’m 25% mom 25% comedian 62% boobs 48% mathematician and 100% woman-monkey.
@robburnsbrain
I once sneezed a beenie weenie through my nose. I also made a horse faint in Costa Rica.
Take the Mystery Out of Twitter!
, the best-selling Twitter book in the world! Learn the three elements behind every Twitter success, 22 ways to build a relevant audience, strategies to create personal and business benefits, and hundreds of amazing tips and time-savers.Click on the image for a Special Amazon promotion!
Previous funny Twitter bio editions:
20 of the world’s wittiest Twitter bios
20 of the all-time most clever Twitter bios
Welcome to {grow}
You’re in marketing for one reason: Grow.
Grow your company, reputation, customers, impact, profits. Grow yourself. This is a community that will help. It will stretch your mind, connect you to fascinating people, and provide some fun along the way. I am so glad you’re here.
-Mark SchaeferFollow Mark
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