The 20 craziest things you can do on Twitter

OK, we’ve heard all the great business success stories about connecting and learning through Twitter. But the human race is made up of all kinds of people and some of them have more important things to do. Like hooking their toilet up to Twitter.  I started collecting some of these random (and real) uses of Twitter and thought I would present this amusing list to my dear friends on {grow}.

Did you know Twitter can help you …

Tweet with vampires — The Twitter account @vampires will let you follow the adventures of the undead. Bloody great idea.

Befriend lactating cows — A dozen lactating bovines are hooked up to a monitor so you can read their teats er … tweets … after they’ve been milked by a robot.  The cows at a Buttermine Farms near Woodstock, Ont., has more than 2,000  tweets since the project began in December.

Tell secretsSecret tweet allows you to post your secrets to Twitter anonymously.  Here was mine: I am writing this in the nude. Which means I probably broke some law in Singapore.

Rock out — Here is a list of the top 50 rock stars on Twitter.  The list includes Brittany Spears. I doth protest.

Let your pets make friends.  — Cats on Twitter is a site where cats can meet other tweeting cats and of course there is also the companion site, Dogs on Twitter.  There is one cat (@sockington)with over 1.5 million followers on Twitter.  Cat tweeting is apparently serious business. Really makes you take paws.

Water your plantsThis device helps your plants tweet you when they need some H2O. When will  they make one for beer?

Be random — Twitrand lets you generate random tweets from your tweet stream. Why?  Why any of this really.

Learn the rulesThe rules is a hilarious Twitter account which teaches you the rules of life in no particular order.  Today’s wisdom:  Rule No. 537: No speedos, please.


Get breaking news on Cheetos — I hate the orange stuff it leaves on your fingers but that doesn’t seem to bother Chester the Cheetah who tweets about a Cheetos wedding, the world’s largest Cheeto, snack impersonators and other tasty tidbits.

Watch the world poop — Everybody does it.  So of course somebody had to put it on Twitter.  TwttrPoop tracks the whole world pooping in real time. They should have called it Twitter Shitter right?  If you thought Twitter was a load of crap, well … now you’re right

Monitor a toilet — You had to know this one was coming. The HacklabToilet in Toronto has a Twitter feed.  Hacklab is a site for hackers in Toronto with a “a strong disdain for twitter” and an urge to wire things to the internet.

Say hello to PeeWee Herman — Hey, he has a new Broadway show now so let’s see what’s up with the ever-boy. Captain Carl rocked.

Follow an execution — In what may be the most distasteful use of Twitter (well, maybe tied with the poop thing) the Utah Attorney General announced the progress of a prisoner’s execution over Twitter.

Track the activities of Superheros — Holy Hashtags Caped Crusader!  You can now follow  Batman (my personal favorite), SpiderMan, and Superman on Twitter.

Get advice on brasYour bra consultant claims that most women are wearing the wrong sized bra. I swear I had no idea.  So don’t be a boob — tune in for the web’s best bra advice.

Tweet while you driveFord announced they will produce a range of tweeting vehicles. The special app will allow the drivers to read their Twitter messages (huh?).  And you’ll be able to reply to tweets as a voice-activated function.

Secretly watch Steve — The Twitter bio description of the ShhDontTellSteve account:  “This is a Twitter page where I secretly tweet about what my roommate Steve is doing at all times.”  Hilarious.

Find people who are addicted to shoesHere is a list of shoe freaks on Twitter.  A well-heeled group apparently.

Read headstones@FindAGrave reports quotes from famous headstones each day. I wonder if they have ghost writers?

Follow your cat’s every move — Sony has developed a prototype cat tweeting device that has a built-in camera, an accelerometer, and a GPS so you will be able to tell when the cat is moving around, eating and sleeping.

So there you have it.  For better or worse, all the world’s showing up on Twitter.  Hope you had some fun with this list!

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Illustration: Geek and Poke

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  • Love the list Mark. This will keep me goofing off until the late hours. You’ll also might want to know the latest tweet from @ChargeGina:

    Fastest teat is my left back which milked in 5:17 secs.

  • Awesome. That is all.

  • First of all, how the heck do you know all of this? I’m scared! I also love the tweet Johnny posted here. HILARIOUS!

    Secondly, those who know me well know I joke about having a tapeworm because I eat non-stop. Let’s be real, I eat like I’m a 12-year-old boy. So I named my stomach Pete and someone created a Twitter identity for him – @PeteTheTapeWorm. What’s hilarious is that it’s not me so I’ll have conversations with him like it’s really my stomach. People get totally weirded out. Makes me laugh.

  • I’m with Gini on this one – how did you compile this list?!

    Thanks for the late day laugh! But if you’ll excuse me, I need to find out what Steve’s doing, and while I’m at it – I think I’ll follow Gini’s stomach.

  • Mark

    You guys crack me UP!! Fastest teat? I’m howling.

    Gini, I love you more every day. And your stomach too.

    As far as how I know this stuff … most of it just came through the Twitter stream. I started collecting these oddities for a potential blog post (I think it started with the cows) and soon I reached critical mass. When I hit 15, I thought … 20 would be a nice number so I did a search for the most bizarre mash-ups with Twitter I could think of like “Twitter + gravestones” and always found something bizarre. Why do people tweet headstones? Now that is something I’ll bet you’re DYING TO KNOW. Sorry. Couldn’t help myself.

  • This has to be The Greatest List That Ever Was Written (TM).

    Seriously, mate, I think this should be required reading for anyone that says not Twitter is all about crazy updates.

    Oh.. hang on a minute… 😉

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  • Kathy Snavely

    OK – no more @guykawasaki for you, Mark! Thanks for the giggles!!

  • This list is hilarious! David Pogue should see it.
    I think I’ve added them all to my list so thank you for compiling and sharing, I am your newest fan!

  • Can we all agree to #FF @ChargeGina – our favorite bovine tomorrow?

  • TwitRand is useful if you run a contest on Twitter. The rest of it I have no idea why. 🙂

  • Mark

    @Danny — Yes, as a matter of fact, this is the greatest list ever written. : )

    @Kathy — @ChargeGina the cow is now the coolest Twitter celeb ever.

    @Monica — Thanks Monica.

    @digital — Making a cow my FF favorite? I have no beef with that.

    @Mike — I think a few of these are useful. For example, I can think of a few folks who I would like to hook up to that teat puller and see what their tweets would say. In fact, I would pay for that.

  • You forgot “David On Demand” (@davidondemand)… for seven days this idiot let the world control him and everything he does via twitter. Here is the link to an article: — I don’t know what he is upto these days but I suspect he will latch on to this stunt for a long time.

  • Awesome post. The possibilities for Twitter are endless. Maybe that’s why most people still don’t get it. Too much freedom.

  • Tkx 4 such a great list. People are dying to get into FindAGrave. But today we got some great live ones.

    Oh and by the way we sometimes do use ghost writers but we try to keep that underground. LOL

  • Mark

    Hilarious. What a crew on the community today!

  • Mark where the heck did you find all of these….they’re awesome.

    I think the poo thing is could be one of the unsung phenomenas of the social web. Did you know that there an social networking application for the iPhone called iPoo:

    It lets you talk to anyone else who happens to be on the dunny at the same time as you… hilariously disgusting!

    Great post Mark. Thanks for sharing.

  • Mark

    @Sam — As far as how i came up with these … well, I had my wife read the post today (she rarely reads my blog!) and I told her it was one of the most popular posts I’ve done and it was even tweeted out by Alyssa Milano. I asked her what she thought about the list and she said “I think you have too much time on your hands!” Her ability to put things in perspective is one of the many reasons i love her so much : )

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  • People!

    We have tried to be good sports with this whole “Crazy” viral blog post, but lumping FindAGrave with Vampires, lactating cows, poo and toilets is beyond funny.

    Some pretty important people are rolling in their graves over this post. What do you expect me to tell them?

    If @peeweeherman, @Alyssa_Milano and all those important people were dead, I’ll bet they wouldn’t be so quick to Tweet about this drivel.

    So let’s please all just calm down and pay our respects to those who have gone before us.

    Thanks @markwschaefer for ruining our day! I was planning to take a nap. #wakemeupwhen it’s over.

  • Mark, This is fantabulous, so glad I found this catching up this Sunday. @Gini cracks me up. Fun to add some of these to my Twitter feed, and inspires me.. maybe I’ll come up with a list of the most random people I follow. Thanks.

  • Mark

    Thanks Davina. Glad you had some fun with it!

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  • Almost a year later and still funny!

  • Timeless right? : )

  • nice post thanks

  • Surely there is more that we can do, but this is a great start.

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  • I’m concerned that you are familiar with all of these Twitter tidbits.  Are you certain it was a good idea to share that publicly?    But now that you have outed yourself as a Twitter freak…surely it’s time for an update?  (So that the rest of us can fuel our morbid curiosity vicariously through you?)

  • ???????

    Really useful methods.. Like it

  • God what all happens on twitter 😉 and you serve them at one place. amazing and you made me laugh  Mark 🙂

  • Umekool

    😉 twwwwwwwwwitter 

  • mountainwizard

    Abso-frickin-lutely love this!

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