20 of the all-time best Twitter bios

best twitter bios

Twitter biographies might be the ultimate creative-writing challenge. You have 160 characters to spin your personal story!  Here are 20 of the best Twitter bios that caught my eye and stole my heart. Enjoy!

A mum and a wife with a really cool day job…

I apologise in advance.

Recommended by 4 out of 5 people that recommend things.

Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with, and then the different branches of arithmetic — Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, and Derision.


Naturally and artificially flavoured


Just some chick bitching about her effed up life and stuff…


I was born. When I was 11 I got my first computer. Then I started writing funny tweets. That’s still what I am doing. The end.


I am a sample size of one, not statistically significant, nor representative.


Smart ass blogging mom. Its all about me, really.


An ounce of perception – a pound of obscure.


I talk like a baby and I never pay for drinks.


I love my husband, my dogs, all things marketing, three-day weekends, high-heels, reading, running, knitting, sushi, wine, long walks on the beach…wait, what?


I am an actor and a writer and I co-created SoulPancake and my son, Walter.


Spreading smiles like they’re herpes


My life was changed by a train.


Nothing more than a man who cared enough to try


I’m the illegitimate love-child of Strategy and Creativity. Now neither parent admits to having me…


It only ends once. Anything that happens before that is just progress.

Bald. Unreliable. Easily distracte


The only person on Twitter who doesn’t claim to be a social media guru.

All posts

  • CarpData

    co-created my son – too funny!

  • freelancerant

    Nice ones… makes me think it’s time to update my bio!

    My all time favorite bio is @[expletive]mydadsays:

    “I’m 29. I live with my 74-year-old dad. He is awesome. I just write down [expletive] that he says”

    Not a whole lot of tweets but gems when they come

  • jacobvar

    one of my faves Tim Sidell, @badbanana -Sometimes I just want to give it all up and become a handsome billionaire.

  • MadsBloggingMom

    Blushing! And here I thought no one read my stuff! Yeah! And I didn’t even have to pay you off!

  • Elyse_D

    Ha! These are great. Makes my Bio seem boring in comparison, but it does its job.

  • markwschaefer

    @MadsBloggingMom No, you do have to pay me off. You mean you didn’t get the bill? I put you on the installment plan : )

  • markwschaefer

    @jacobvar OK definitely on the next list!

  • markwschaefer

    @Elyse_D They challenge us don’t they? : ) Thanks Elyse!

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  • 3HatsComm

    Yes, my bio is tres lame in comparison. That description matters. I will follow/follow back someone on Twitter at least in part if they have a clever or at least human, friendly seeming bio. Wish I could remember some good ones .. I like @unsuckit.. “unsucking your douchey jargon.” I know there are plenty of others, will drop back and add them when I can. Now off to check out some of these folks. Thanks.

  • markwschaefer

    @3HatsComm Well mine is lame by comparsion too, but maybe that is my brand image! Ha!

  • KRCraft

    These are brilliantly creative nad funny. I’m smitten. I’m also flattered to have been included. A certain day maker & smile generator. Enjoying the comments, too. I’ll have to check back often to read more as they flow in.

    I’m frantically scouring my list, as there is one I’d like to recommend. I know what it says, but I can’t recall whose it is.

    Nicely done, Mark! @EzraButler’s is my personal fav. Tickles me to no end.

  • MikeFraietta

    My long-time favorite:

    @ev I started this.

    He changed it though.

  • maxxhendriks

    Hi Mark, thanks for the mention.. I had never thought twice about my bio. Now I feel self conscious. LOL

  • markwschaefer

    @maxxhendriks That’s probably the beauty of it : )

  • markwschaefer

    @MikeFraietta Classic. Too bad he changed it : )

  • markwschaefer

    @KRCraft I’m sure it will be awhile before i can curate another list this good, so you certainly have the time! Thanks!

  • la_loquita

    thanks for sharing :)) great read :))))

    Now feeling the need to redo my bio… *le sigh*


  • 3HatsComm

    @markwschaefer Guess we’re just better at branding for others. But I decided to hide the lameness, or maybe use it to my advantage so behold, my new Twitter bio: “Solo public relations, social media, design pro desperately seeking great wine, dream clients, LSU wins, winning lottery ticket. And of course, world peace.” Whataya think?

  • AbsoluteBrand

    @shavemistress | ShaveMistress by day for ShaveReview.com, semi pro female boxer by night

  • Marketing_Guy

    Cool idea. It does make you reconsider your own bio. It should tie to your personal brand although from some of the descriptions I do not think brand building was top of mind.

  • Chrisvd

    @ifficiency | CEO of i-FFICIENCY, iPad Jedi, Remote lifestyle guru, efficiency wizard, type-a maniac, Tasmanian devil in a button down, pure awesomeness,not Neo, I am iGUY

  • annhandley

    So I forget who has this, but one of my all-time favorites: “Former baby.”

  • @[email protected]
    Love @badbanana ‘s tweets ! (Having a bad hair day. Just found out it stole a car and then shot a cashier at the liquor store.)
    @SethMacfarlane ‘s is pretty good: Official Twitter Page of Seth MacFarlane – based on the novel Push by Sapphire

  • kwatt

    @brant’s is from the season five finale of LOST.

  • markwschaefer

    @annhandley Thanks for joining in the fun Ann!

  • markwschaefer

    @Chrisvd Well done. : )

  • markwschaefer

    @la_loquita Oh this made me laugh. Isn’t that from Pepe le Peu? BTW, Did you know that in France, that cartoon character is Italian? : )

  • thomasbabuj

    Mine is , Big Tummy ! Small Brain

  • markwschaefer

    @thomasbabuj Ha! Thanks Thomas!

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  • Yo Mark – these are too funny – honestly, I wouldn’t have followed any of these people/bios! Time to get a sense of humor, geez!!

    Cheers to you ; )

  • jasonfalls

    You forgot my personal favorite … with apologies … @nancyfalls

  • markwschaefer

    @GACConsultants Thanks Mark. Glad you enjoyed them!

  • markwschaefer

    @jasonfalls You made me LOOK IT UP??? OK, It was worth it. Definitely makes the second edition : )

    I’m @JasonFalls’s wife. I am not on Twitter. Go do something useful.

  • Sally_G

    I really enjoyed this! I have no Bios to contribute unfortunately ~ I tend not to read or notice them. I find they mostly reflect who people THINK they are.

    But I’m a sucker for a sense of humour! Thank you Mark …

  • 3HatsComm

    @jasonfalls I’m with Mark, making us WORK for it?! Good one.

  • dmso

    @KRCraft’s is from “Vital Signs” by Rush.

  • dmso

    @KRCraft Your bio is from a Rush lyric? I approve.

  • markwschaefer

    @ladyjuliafish Oh too funny

  • markwschaefer

    @dmso @KRCraft The world would be a little better with more RUSH. Just ask @ikepigott

  • KRCraft

    @markwschaefer @dmso @KRCraft
    Indeed! All the world’s a stage, and we are merely players…

    If you’re a Rush fan, I recommend you read Neil Peart’s books, too. I enjoyed Masked Rider most, which is about his travels by bike through Africa.

  • dmso

    @KRCraft @markwschaefer I have all of Neil’s books. 🙂 Do you read his blog?

  • newbizblogger

    Here’s one:

    @bwoj Husband, father, software engineer, serial entrepreneur, evil genius™, aspiring scruffy-looking nerf-herder, locally optimal genetic solution.

    Followed him back just b/c of his “evil genius”…lol – someone who doesn’t take himself so seriously … gotta love it!

    These twitter bio’s really makes me want to change mine; interjecting fun is always a great idea. 😉

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  • batchoichoi

    Nice one.. I enjoy this! Thanks for the post and Happy Holidays..

    <a href=”http://www.friedlandlawcenter.com/”>Friedland Law Center</a>

  • @oilman’s should be ‘who’ recommend things. unless he’s a writer, and it’s ironic. i dunno – I’m picking.

  • Casudi

    I was soooo pleased when I first wrote my 6 word bio, however after these it seems quite boring.

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  • @Christine_Gibbs

    Love the laughs. Thx for posting. @christine_gibbs

  • Sophienorris

    I don’t like dogs. So don’t bother following me.
    Follow me and you’ll realise why i’m too important to write a bio.
    I love music.. and your Dad 😉

  • Alright I made it over here – better late than never eh? 😉
    I loved @snotforprofit!
    I’m familiar with Queen Rania’s since I follow here and in general – she has a good sense of humor.

    Cheers Mark

  • Cool, very cool Mark!!! “Here’s looking at you, kid.” ; )

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  • Jacob landry


    I would love to change the world,but they wouldn’t give me the source code-Some hacker Dude

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  • Nice 🙂 It’s a big help for a dumb like me lol

  • Hannah Sophie

    Mine is .. Lollypop lady, actress, athlete, gardener, spy, doctor, teacher and part-time ninja who likes to think she is funny, is clumsy, unreliable and easily distracte

    Better than these even though they cracked me up so much!:D

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  • How funny And Queen Rania does rock!

  • Ben
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  • This was a great read for a Sunday morning read Mark!

  • Jamiie_daviis

    Jesus you’re my number one, Daniel Tosh you’re my number two.<3

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  • Soccerchicadee3

    heey, so I only have 160 characters so I’ll try to make this short. if you like my tweets feel free to retweet. Anything you want to know just #tweetme. Please #follow.


  • Shoot, and I thought mine was creative. @terrishutterbug:twitter  🙂

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  • LOL what *else* would they reflect when we write them ourselves? You have a kind of cutting opinion of other people’s bios, given that you don’t read or notice them. Let’s say you’re right, though. Maybe your auto-bio would say, “clever iconoclast with a keen eye for the truth,” while an onlooker’s bio of you might read, “fun and friendly, w/judgmental streak & low opinion of other ppl’s self-awareness.” Okay, we can do mine. I’ll be “pragmatic geek; loves singing & family; never says no to friends.” But you can call me “snarky nerd w/martyr complex and too much time on hands.”

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  • some awesome ones..

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  • Dyana

    Follow me @Dya_Setiawan thx!!

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  • April

    Hahaha! Great post! I love Diana – that’s me!

  • I thought this one was pretty good:
    hey, i just met you… and this is crazy.. but here’s my Twitter, so FOLLOW baby. 🙂 

  • Very funny – i know mine is boring – now i know i need to do something about it!

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  • Jarreedd22

    lol i saw this one @Gwall22 Strictly school smart, loses everything, climbing till I hit the top!

  • Loved this: “I’m real. Just me! …Standing in front of the world, asking you to follow me”

  • Kee?

    Follow me on twitter @_Iamtaylor_d show some love pleasee! & @Brant was the best to me 😀

  • Taylor

    Let me know if you think mine is good. You can check it out at @_TaylorScott_ ..or read it here:”I could tell you about myself, but then myself would have to kill me.”

  • mike

    This guy has books now because of his twitter!

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  • LOL

    i like that bio

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  • Sandeep Thakur

    Nice Bio, but I think ts good f we have own way for this,

  • Makoi Majak

    @MakoiMajak “I’m a global citizen strictly controlled by right conduct and morally responsible for everything I do!”

  • Great list of Twitter Bio. I think the one (cshirky) was the best. When time permits stop by my twitter profile and let me know what you think. Cheers.

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