Social Media — Just flirt with me, won’t you?

Guest post by {grow} community member Krysia Hepatica

As a newly-divorced mom, being both back on the dating scene and trying to establish a new career, my life has been anything but dull.

Because I was married at such a young age, I missed out on a lot dating and the drama that goes along with it. I also missed out growing a career because I was home raising babies.  So here I am now trying to balance a family, career, and social life and have found, thankfully, two of these have a lot in common.  Yes, I have recently had an a-ha moment.  Several, actually.  I am finding that making social media connections is just like dating.

They play by the same rules and your chances are pretty much the same: You’ll win some, you’ll lose some.

Rule #1 Get Noticed!

In the dating world when you have your sights set on a special someone, what do you do?  You try to get them to know you are alive and do a little flirting.  It’s the same with social media connections, maybe there is someone you are anxious to connect with on Twitter, begin a dialogue with them.  Say hi.  Introduce yourself.  But, whatever you do…(see Rule #2)

Rule #2  Don’t come on too strong

You want to get their attention, but in a positive way.

Reply to a Tweet they have made, find some common ground and keep it simple and light.  Once you get their attention, do a little woo-ing, a little romancing.  Please don’t try to hit it out of the park on the first encounter.  It won’t be pretty.  I am not inviting you in after one date, not into my physical or virtual (blog) home either.

Make thoughtful, appropriate comments, notice their Tweets, re-Tweet if they are interesting to you. Be kind. Do your homework; try to stand out with your comments by becoming one of the first to leave a comment.  You can sign up to be notified via email when they have published a new post.  This will show your interest in their work.

Rule#3  Reciprocity: Is she/he just not that into you?

Ask yourself if your efforts are being reciprocated.  In the dating world, does she “like” your comments back?  Has she responded to your texts?  Because this is how we let you know we aren’t interested without having to come out and say it. Period.

In the social media arena, are your comments getting a response or a “like”?  Have they started following you on Twitter yet?   If they haven’t started a follow yet, it may be okay, they probably have a pretty big following.  But if your comments are flat out ignored, and you have made more than one, you may have someone who is not interested.  I was trying to build up a connection with a blogger whose work I enjoyed, but he just wouldn’t warm up to me.  No comment I made even registered on his radar.  It was frustrating, but I got over it, and moved on.

Rule #4 Easy There, Killer!

It’s kind of like Rule #2, because yes, it is important enough to bear repeating.

So the first date was great, you may be in love.   Whatever you do, don’t tell this person after one date that you want to marry them and have them be the mother of your children.  Please.  Don’t.  This only creeps girls out, believe me, I know.  Slow down; don’t reveal everything there is to know about you in the beginning.  Keep it interesting, keep her guessing.  The chase is fun.

Relationships don’t happen overnight IRL or online.  You have to be patient and give it time.  There is no definitive timetable because every relationship is unique.  So, you have your bogie in the social media world.  You know you are dying to write a guest post for them, just don’t come on too strong or you will scare them away.  Apply steps 1-5, repeat.  When you have grown and nurtured a reciprocal relationship then take the plunge!

However, if you do make some mistakes, all might not be lost!  First of all, regain your composure; pull yourself together and back off a bit.  Just like in dating, don’t completely go away but dial it down a few notches and see if something can still grow.  I know firsthand this can work.

Everybody makes mistakes, don’t beat yourself up.  Take what you have learned and apply it to future endeavors.

Rule #5 Keep your house (blog) clean

Advice my mom would like.  Keep your physical house and virtual house neat and tidy, you never know who is going to show up for a surprise visit.

Does any of this ring true for you?

Krysia Hepatica is a mother, rock climber, blogger and all-around outdoor adventure seeker. She is currently working as an intern for KarmaCRM.   You can read more about her adventures at venturesome krysia or follow her on Twitter.

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  • Krysia
    I completly agree. Besides, as I am a climber myself, I might think about parallels between climbing and social media

    Kind regards from Germany


  • Great rules Krysia. I agree with all of them but especially #3. You’ve got to give to get on social media, which means taking the initiative and delivering value, leaving comments, and reaching out. I’m not suggesting that people be overly aggressive, but they have to act first rather than hoping someone notices.

  • I agree.Thanks for the post. Great rules Krysia. I think people never quite follow rule #2!

  • Great analogy!  And just as IRL, those who are genuinely themselves will have the best, mutually rewarding relationships.

  • Great read.
    Looking forward to the 2nd edition when you let us know what the Social Media analogy is for short circuiting the rules with too much red wine, and sitting on the back seat at the cinema…

  • Reading this post reminded me of the time I emailed you about a highly confidential issue with a client and started off on a good, strong footing with: “Hi Mike.” LOL!!! I thought oh no, I’ve blown it, I’ve blown it!!! Glad you’re still talking to me MARK 🙂

  • Very true, most of the guest posts I’ve done have been because I initially took action, including this one.

  • I agree, I think your true self does shine through online and meaningful relationships can be the result.

  • Mark is pretty great guy, I won’t lie, I didn’t start out on the right foot with him either…luckily I was able to make it right 🙂

  • Love this.  Great advice Krysia.  You would think people would get this.  Wonderful “rules” for dating and social media.  Thanks.


  • Now that I’ve read your article, I can see that I’m handling social media pretty much like if I was seducing someone! Loved your rules 🙂

  • Now that I’ve read your article, I can see that I’m handling social media pretty much like if I was seducing someone! Loved your rules 🙂

  • Anonymous

    Fun Post! Great advices, especially: Everybody makes mistakes, don’t beat yourself up.  Take what you have learned and apply it to future endeavors…..And Love the advice: my mom would like, I can even hear my mom. LOL

    I really enjoy your post, Thanks!

  • Too funny!  : ) 

  • Oh come on, I’m easy.  EASY I tell you!

    I think Krysia a great success story in how to do it right.  She approached me about a guest post out of the blue. Had no idea who she was, so naturally her chance of success is going to be about zero.  I get 10 requests for guest posts like this every day, and I run maybe one per WEEK!

    So I encouraged her to get to know me and the community a little bit. Since that day a few months ago, she has been an awesome contributor, connecting not just with me but other community members too.  We started to become friends. So after a couple of weeks I went back to her and said … let’s try this again.

    I think that is how this works with most bloggers.  We don’t want to be pitched.  I want to help and reward the people in my community, not sell a stranger’s products. So good job Krysia! 

  • Anonymous

    This is great, Krysia! Really a fun and appropriate analogy you approached this with! 

  • Thanks! Chicks Climbing has always been one of my biggest supporters and I have always appreciated it 🙂

  • I’m excited to see this movie, maybe this weekend.
    I agree “fun post” – *smiles*

  • Anonymous

    Having entered the dating world after 22 years of marriage I can relate and agree 100%. Love the connections you draw to the SN world.

  • Marc Winitz

    Well thought out and succinctly articulated. I’ll skip any comments about how nice your shoes look. This is worth putting up on G+.

  • Rule number one: Write what you know!

  • Thank you!

  • Now there’s a thought…

  • Isn’t it amazing how the same principles IRL apply to our social side?!! Great new points & reminders of how to appreciate your social relationships.  Thanks for sharing!

  • Great analogies!

  • Great post! Lighthearted and fun, but still makes a great point. I find it hard to find a good balance in my blog commenting strategy for our client (–getting a name out there, but not being too aggressive or spammy. Just like a new relationship, you think it’s the best thing ever and you want everyone to know, but if you’re too loud and obnoxious, people start resenting it and getting annoyed. Thanks for putting in perspective for me!

  • So true!  I love how you compare IRL and virtual life…gently.  🙂

  • Yes, there is definitely an art to it, which it sounds like we both are learning.  Thanks for your comment.

  • Thanks, I had been ‘pre-writing’ this post in my head for weeks before I got it down.

  • I like it!

  • Pingback: More about positive thinking « venturesome krysia()

  • The question I ask is why are you here and what do you hope to accomplish? Ok, those are two questions and I pose them in a general sense.

    Many people are in social media because they think that they should be but they don’t have a specific goal in mind just some sort of vague idea..

    That is not particularly profound but it is really important because if you don’t know why you are here there is no way to really tell if you are doing well or not.

  • Well, since you asked, I do have definite goals.  I am working toward a career in the Outdoor Industry as a Social Media Specialist, including blogging.  I tell the story of my “epiphany” (and I mean that in the most real sense) in a post on my blog called “One year after my epiphany”.  It is my desire to help build a strong community in the outdoors, and merge my passions: writing and being outside.

    It is hard to find an ‘in’ in this field, the competition is quite fierce so I am building as well-rounded of a resume that I possibly can.  Mark asked me to write something in my own voice, and I jumped at the chance.  

  • Sounds like you have a plan. I would be curious to find out how many social media positions are standalone that exist separate from marketing or PR.

  • So far I’ve found a lot of companies I would want to work for have this as a stand alone position, bu it’s really tough to come by.

  • Pingback: Social Media — Just flirt with me, won’t you? | Canale Communique |

  • jenny at dapperhouse

    Wow, brilliantly written, dating tips related to and tied in with blogging, twitter and social media. I happen to be happily married, but love reading articles about what is going on…this is a great article, Love IT!

  • Thanks Jenny, it was fun to write!

  • why did i ever spend 4 years study all those classes when it took 6 and half mins to get through this….

  • Pingback: Yesterday is Yesterday, Today isn’t…So Move On()

  • I love this! I’ve met a lot of people through social media and have forged some great friendships. The one thing I would add is to realize that if your friendship is all on SM…it’s going to have some layers of false intimacy that need to be worked through. 

  • Excellent post!  Informative, unique and enjoyable to read.  It took me a year online to gain many of these insights.  Wish I would have been more aware then.

    I love skin care products too!


  • BrendaMac

    Krysia, Your post certainly resonated with me in many ways. Take a look at this – My Sept 5 post may make us look like sisters. Starting over for different reasons and perhaps at different ages but on the same journey. Peace and grace to you. Enjoy your journey.

  • Only been tweeting a couple of weeks and this article is just what I needed.

    Informative and so well written

  • I figure if I love what I do and read and follow what attracts me I’ll have fun and enjoy my time in social media, just like IRL. No-brainer to me… even though I do put my foot in my mouth every once in a while. But that’s okay, too ’cause I’m human. Once your head takes you down the wrong road, away from who you are and what you love, anxiety starts to creep in.
    Been married 25 years. Can’t contribute much about dating. LOL! But I imagine it works the same way. Know who you are and what you want, and sit back and enjoy!!

  • Good advice Betsy!

  • Pingback: venturesome krysia » More about positive thinking()

  • #4 is indeed a killer Krysia! We often get impatient in our relationships and that hold true for online too. Indeed, we need to nurture. Good points!

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