20 of the world’s most clever Twitter bios

clever twitter bios

Last year I started “collecting” clever Twitter bios and kind of got hooked.  When I decided to publish “The All-Time Best Twitter bios,” and “The 20 Funniest Twitter Bios,” readers of {grow} seemed to get hooked too!  So here we are with the third edition. These are all real Twitter bios


I’ve learned I don’t know anything.  Have also learned that people will pay for what I know.  Life is good.


Living one day at a time, with a fresh baked cookie. Okay.  And with a coffee.  And maybe some chocolate. But I promise to take my vitamins.


Insert pretentious crap about myself here.


Buddy, can you paradigm?


Nerdfighter.  Determined dreamer.  Has ambitions to be crazy cat lady if marrying various celebrity crushes proves impossible.


Viestintäpäällikkö, Alexandria Pankkiiriliike Oyj. Yhteisöviestinnän opiskelija @ JY. Salibandyintoilija ja ruokaharrastaja. Twiitit yksityishenkilönä.

(Note this is Finnish. I don’t know what it says, but get a load of all those letters!  I figure any bio with the word Oyj in it has got to be great.)


Coffee-Drinker, eReader Addict, Mom, Blogger.  I’m very busy and important


90% of your problems can be solved by marketing.  Solving the other 10% just requires good procrastination skills.


I’m really a giant cupcake.  Afraid of roller coasters and dry ice


I used to love my old twitter account, then everyone from work found me.  This is my new account


 I have been called a PollyAnna, sugar-coated idealist.  I like to think of myself as more optimistic than that


I’m not smart. I just wear glasses.


I’m real and I hope some of my followers are too


HOLY CRAP I’M GOING TO BE A DAD! Oh yea, I work in email marketing & I like craft beer too.


 I’m just a boy, standing in front of the world, asking you to follow me.


do not judge me before u know me, but just to inform u, you won’t like me


I’ve never been a millionaire but I just know I’d be darling at it


A human. Being.


Why talk when you can mock? Why hide your Face like I got Mace? Is it all an act or just a Fact. Maybe if you didn’t drool, you’d be cool. Ran out of room boom


I’m a Basset Hound aficionado with a mouth like a Syphilitic sailor.


As I scoured the Twitterverse for the most clever bios, I also found some pretty bad ones, too! But they are also funny in their own strange way.  I don’t want to embarass anyone so I’ve removed the handles, but I couldn’t resist some of these clunkers:

  • Fascinated by transactional nature of counterknowledge & public discourse in socially mediated spaces which simulate (but don’t engender) counter-public spheres
  • follow me
  • I’m indifferent to most items on the planet. Some people call me a Social Media Guru. I don’t correct them.
  • I have a dream to gain the freedom to help people Through new products, helping then grow through experiences and achieving their dreams and their freedom
  • Job Opportunity Promoter,  I follow back for FREE!!!
  • hello my sexy armadillo.  I’ll follow back esp if youre irish

Well, as a matter of fact, madam … I am.  : )

 twitter book

Previous funny Twitter bio editions:

20 of the world’s wittiest Twitter bios

20 of the all-time funniest Twitter bios (part 2!)

20 of the all-time best Twitter bios

20 of the most entertaining Twitter bios

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  • Love it! Thanks for the laughs.  Makes me want to scurry off and rewrite my own bio.

  • Great way of starting my day, thank you! I’ll follow some of these accounts but I’ll try to keep my hopes low and not expect for every tweet to be as eloquent as their bios 😉

  • The one that cracked me up was – “Follow me”. LOL

  • I have to agree with you on Oyj 🙂

  • These are awesome! I especially like @_PenelopeNYC’s as well as Darth Vaider’s (obvi)! Thanks for sharing!

  • Love this Mark, it’s a post I’ve considered writing myself.
    Will be sharing with my newsletter subscribers this week.
    Thanks for doing the research.

  • Mine is “Chief Procrastination Officer”.

  • Hey Mark, awesome list!  My two favorites are @Darkside:twitter  , because most anything Star Wars is cool!  The other is @ThatGuySteve08:twitter Kids and craft beer…like peanut butter and jelly…they go together 😉

  • James

    Finlandish: aka Finnish.

  • Love these!

  • Finnish is correct, but Finlandish is outlandish : )  Oyj!

  • I made the Darth Vader one up myself.  Glad you liked it : )

  • Thanks for the laughs…I have to say the cat lady one is my favorite!

  • Nancy A. Locke

    Hi Mark,
    One of my FB friends who just happens to be from Finland, Kristiina Abdallah provided a “raw” translation: “Communications manager, Alexandria Bank Ltd. Student of social media at the
    University of Jyväskylä. Floorball enthusiast ja culinarist. Tweets as a private
    person only. Working at the University of Vaasa at the moment.” I’m guessing that “ja culinarist” translates as “and amateur chef”.

  • Haha, I enjoyed this armadillo one. Wish I was Irish.

  • That is awesome.  Thank you Nancy! 

  • Ahh, the dreaded bio.  This is always so hard for me and I would love for someone to write a witty one for me because I always fail.  

    This was a fun post, thanks for sharing it.

  • Nancy A. Locke

    My pleasure. International FB friends, faster and way more reliable than Google translate. Ha!

  • Mark,
    I have had a particularly dark and frustrating week so far. Thanks for providing some much needed comic relief! Love it, and appreciate your sense of humor. 

  • Anonymous

    Your bonus content had me laughing out loud! Great finds, thank you. 

  • “Community Manager for Sith Lord, but tweets are my own.” Love it. Funny stuff. Another great list, Mark. But you should have listed the handle for the guy who follows back for free. I usually have to pay good money for followers.

  • Really? You didn’t try translating the Finnish one? it says “Communications, Alexandria Securities Corporation. Organizational Communication student @ JY. Floorball Enthusiast and food enthusiast. [Twiitit] a private person.”

  • ~ @SocialMedia411 “Highly recommended by people who like things that don’t suck.”


  • Translation?  Pshaw.  That would have taken the mystery out of it! : ) 

  • I sure hope this second annual collection is proof you will make this a recurring event. I sense another book in the making.

    These are all good but for some strange reason my favorite is:

    @hmcdani2:disqus  – I’m really a giant cupcake.  Afraid of roller coasters and dry ice

    What a funny, friendly thing to be and a funny, strange set of things to fear. Thanks for collecting and sharing these Mark!

  • These lists are great Mark! AnonEmus might be my favorite.

    I think you should start another list of funny DM’s. I’m sure you get a ton. I got this doozy today: “Thx for following me Cathy! I hope you’ll visit my blog…” I mean, really… only my friends call me Cathy.  🙂

  • These are great. @glyenette’s is my favorite. I’m going to check out her Tweets. I bet they’re fun.

  • This definitely makes me want to rewrite my bio into something clever and witty 🙂 Thanks for sharing. I found you on the my home page at Triberr. Glad to have a laugh before the day is over!

  • Really quite clever bios, I am sure that aren’t so simple people in reality too.

  • Really quite clever bios, I am sure that aren’t so simple people in reality too.

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  • So, I tweet: “Gah! I am such a sucker for the “[#] [things] you must
    [install/download/delete] from your [blog/life/phone].” posts. Must stop
    clicking.” And then Mark does his cruel “Hey Gina, how about 20 Clever Twitter Bios??” post and here I am. (I don’t think he mentioned me by name. Wait. He did.)

    Mark, The irony of your posting this when all I’ve done for the past several days is complain about stuff makes me laaaaauuuuuugh! Time to re-braid my pigtails and get back to the merriment!  I love your Darth Bio, can totally relate to @BrandBySarah:twitter and want to be @karenrclark:twitter when I grow up. Thanks for the boost.

  • Love these collections Mark, am a sucker for the witty droll. Think @karenrclark and I are kindred spirits. One of these days I’ll try to remember all the epic, clever – or galactically stupid – profiles I see, send them your way. The Force is strong with you, oh Vader profile writer. Heeeee…

  • Sarah Welstead (@brandbysarah)

    There is nothing I like more than being included on a list that ends in “…in the world.”  Especially when it includes the word “clever”.  Thanks!

  • Anonymous

    mastermind in progress

  • Glad you are seld-correcting to match the persona! : )

  • If anyone can decipher this Twitter bio, please let me know. Or not. (Clue: He has a limo business.)
    Grt drvr,hapy man.No’s pnhndl histry an peppl. Obscure
    info in a limo seting.Safe prty phn 806-570-1139.Weddins, Laides nite
    out,bach prty or anytm!

  • @sorenpowholse

    LOL; Thanks for this little Saturday morning chuckle
    … didn’t catch the first two posts on this subject, but am clicking there next

  • Thank you for your diligence, love to know how many bios you had to read, sounds like Guinness should know…

  • Well, with that Netwhich mess and then Facepage’s weirdness, it was all I could do to log on to the interwebs without a major behavioral meltdown. After a few days of acoustic music and analog interactions, I’m all better. 🙂

  • I really dig some of these. 

    Personally, I’ve had trouble coming up with mine. For the longest, I’ve used: “So much time. So little to do. Wait a minute. Scratch that. Reverse it. Thank you.” I’ve changed it since, to be a little more professional but somethings missin’… 

  • So good, that I had to go back and read your prior two!  Addicting!  Maybe you can have a spot on Letterman.

  • Would make a good Top 10 list, wouldn’t it? : )

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  • Here’s my translation of @Anpehuis’ bio (hope he/she won’t mind):
    “Communications Manager, Alexandria Investment & Asset Management Plc. Student of Organizational Communication and Public Relations @ University of Jyväskylä. Floorball enthusiast and food aficionado. Tweeting as a private person.”As far as ‘Oyj’ is concerned, it’s ‘Plc’ in English. Great that you find it great 🙂

  • Hi Mark. This is great thanks! I am just running a quick poll on the worst Twitter bios of 2011! Its a bit of fun but do let me know your nomination! http://bit.ly/ud2cAe

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  • Love these 😉

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  • Yankinfinland

    Thank you for pointing this out. It’s such an utterdly devoid of life Twitter bio if you actually know Finnish. Oyj is like Inc. or Ltd.

  • Why can’t I resist silly requests?

    “I’m a great driver and a happy fellow. I know the Pan Handle’s history and people, including little-known facts, and will give you a guided, limo tour. Party safely: call me for a ride at 806-570-1139. Available for weddings, girls’ nights out, bachelor parties, or whenever you need a limo ride!

  • Good one! : )

  • Don’t pop my bubble now! : )

  • really enjoyed these

  • Anonymous


  • Johnny Randomme

    you just gotta turn these into a twitter account that people can subcribe to and get a funny find sent to them once or twice a week. loved this!

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  • LOL I just have to follow Rhymetime24.

  • amber

    Viestintäpäällikkö, Alexandria Pankkiiriliike Oyj. Yhteisöviestinnän
    opiskelija @ JY. Salibandyintoilija ja ruokaharrastaja. Twiitit
    yksityishenkilönä. means >> Communications, Alexandria Securities Corporation. Organizational Communication student @ JY. Floorball freak and food enthusiast. Twiitit a private person.

  • dan

    saw this and thought it was awesome

    Father of two Princesses, Husband to a mighty and beautiful Queen, Son of the King of Kings and Creative Genius.
    Currently residing on Earth

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  • I’ve seen one better than all of these: I am mostly water

  • honestly the bios seems by joker

  • follow mee plzzz for awesome stuff… not for my cute picture 😛 @nada1999_

  • Jasmine Sepulveda

    Here’s a good one:

    “Lost? Follow me!

  • Finlandish? Try Finnish. Idiot!

  • you can remove my comment all you want, it’s “Finnish” not “finlandish” and you’re still an idiot. So are your stupid readers for not knowing that. And I’m Filipina! White men are dumb no Asian woman wants you except for your money

  • Matt

    You look lost, why not follow me?

  • Just blogged 14 of my favourite twitter Bios, organised into FIVE broad approaches, beginning with Irony. I also choose a winner! http://korvin.org/twitter-bios-i-like/

  • ayo

    This is my bio, i think you’ll like it.– Keepin it real since ’99– also follow me @its_ayo99

  • You dont need to know

    follow me @ysoKaamil #TeamFollowBack

  • Katy

    Follow me: KatyLizz_

  • ellie

    this one?: the fat i’m wearing on my body is designer

  • Crystal

    Follow meee crystalx92

  • R.H.

    that’s awesome

  • R.H.

    exactly, I’d make a twitter account JUST to follow it !

  • Onnolee Brown

    omg I know the first guy!

  • @ritalucia_99 follow meee

    follow me @ritalucia_99

  • Taylor

    Follow me @

  • jen

    ADD @Jasonlopez101 so hot OMG!

  • Kay

    @K_N_Mai “It should probably say autobiography rather than bio…”

  • I follow back for FREE!!!

  • Anna


  • Tommo.xX

    Follow my accnt ->>> @bunnygirl143

  • Promise Jonah Gcfr

    follow on twitter @promise_jonah

  • John Thomas

    The ones you called “bad” are better than the other ones

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